Proverbs 3:5-6.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.

I fear missing transportation.

Delays happen all the time. Flights get missed all the time. But even with its common occurrence that may happen to regular travelers, I still get nervous, nervous that nothing is going according to the plans I have made, and nervous about the events, people and situations that require me to be back at a certain period of time.

I pursue being on time because of this. I dislike waiting, because I firmly believe that every moment of idleness could be spent on something that could be useful. Sure, I can adapt to situations, make the most out of it, but it doesn’t change the fact that it worries me when delays/ missed flights happen even after all the mental and physical preparation before every journey.

I took a bus to Minnesota, and I mentioned that I was going to write things that are blessing in my trip to MN. I shouldn’t have count my blessings too soon. The bus that was going to Madison, denied my luggage and me, and I assumed that there was another bus coming. I guess I should have asked. The line was long behind me and the lady was grumpy. So I thought maybe she’s right.

I waited. 10 minutes. Just me by the bench. No sign of anyone.

I was like, maybe it’s like Madison, the bus takes 15 minutes.

But it was 7 am in the morning, and the traffic was clear.

I started worrying. I downloaded the bus app, it told me that the bus I was suppose to board on had already arrived and left.

I called customer service, they told me they would get back to me in 25 minutes.

So I waited.

In some way, I’m glad this happened at 7 am in the morning and not 7 pm at night. But the bus station was deserted, and I have only familiarized with this space for the last 20 minutes.

I’m like, there’s no way I could have missed the bus, I wasn’t even late, I tossed all night and got up at 5 so I wouldn’t oversleep. I made sure I had everything with me. I have an event to catch back at 6. I have people I have told to pick me up. I have people I have made plans for the afternoon.

Fear creeped through the memories of every plane delayed because of a snowstorm, every bus I missed because of an unforeseen circumstance, or a transportation that never came because it was not a legitimate business, and the people who had to deal with the consequences of something almost not within my control.

And all I was thinking, “God, is this how you are asking me to let you take control? Because I’m really tired of planning and having it all together, I’m really tired of meeting people’s and my expectations, I’m really tired of taking control of things because people aren’t stepping up, I’m really tired of keeping up, and I need a break, I took this break to MN for this, and here, for some weird reason this woman turns me away, I have to trust that this is for my own good?

I will never understand why certain things happen in some ways. God, I ask you to break my heart for what break yours.

Indeed you have broken me. And I trust that’s not something I will be able to understand.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

And I will be patient.


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