Single by 30?

In a generation where everyone wants to be next big hit, startup, owner, extraordinaire, there are people who chased dreams and find their lover on the way, and there are people who chase dreams and realized they don’t have a lover.

You, a postdoctoral student. There will be people working on their PhDs, and one day they realized that the people they have seen all day for two years are like ten people in which a couple of them are married and bickering, some of them are undergraduates who are clueless about their goals, and then maybe a decent one or two people who you can get along, with one of them being your good friend and the other who’s nice too, but is finding the recipe to scoring a girl for a lifetime.

And then you will think to yourself and be like “oh crap, oh crap, I’m 32 and I’m not married, why am I in this lab, omg” and your friend recommends you to try out Coffee Meets Bagel/ okcupid/ something-Mingle in hopes that you will find the glass slipper that fits.

You are not one who would resort to dating online, let alone putting your face on a virtual screen. Don’t creepers lurk in the internet, trying to sell you their prince charming? There are stories about people who fall in love online and tragedy happens. Aren’t the people on the internet just desperate for love?

No, you don’t want to be categorized in this bubble. If you had been 20, you would have been on Tinder doing hookups and what not, but you’re —for God’s sake — you’re old, 80% of your friends are married with three kids and those who are not have sworn themselves to singlehood and sleeping around and that’s not you.You consider yourself young at heart, but your biological clock is not in tune with your optimistic self.

Sure, you are an independent career woman, able to manage herself, would be okay adopting a kid from China and raise it on your own, be that tiger mom and make sure your kid goes to Harvard.

But you want a partner to grow old and die with you, and it’s getting lonelier, despite you immersing yourself with so many activities like yoga, gym, church, speaker events, workshops, classes, networking, etc. You hope that the more achieving you are, the more likely you would find a partner who’s equal to your caliber. You are climbing the pyramid, and the pool’s getting smaller. You think back about your past lovers, you wonder how they are doing and whether they are married. Did that high school lover of yours remembered his promise of marrying you if you were both 30 and single? Did that one guy who promised that he would love you forever be still there after years of not communicating?

One could only dream, you could say hi, and make the most awkward conversation on why you guys haven’t been talking. You can revive a romance. Get a happy ending. Make a love drama. Make it the story of a lifetime.

Or you can heave a sigh, and go “okay, I’m just doing this for fun, I’m really not expecting anything out of this”. And you allow technology to be your Emma.

***

The hardest thing about anything is waiting patiently. But faith without actions is dead.

You trust God that he would provide someone who would be the partner to support you. You trust God that in your job search that he would open doors for the place he wants you to serve.

“What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs. what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”
James 2:14-17

In my job search, I learned about working hard, and God provided in ways I didn’t expect.
In my love life, I learned that I have more to learn, and God allowed me to grow in ways I didn’t see.

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