Soulmate.

Excerpt from old blog post on Oct 27, 2014. A good reminder for the future.

I am 21. When I was 16, 21 seemed like such a grown-up age, where you can be in relationships, without your mom restricting you as much because you are a grown up, where you have a job, make grown up decisions, and be taken more seriously in the world.

I am 21. I am surrounded by friends who are getting together, engaged or married. It’s the same feeling when I was 14, my best friends were getting into relationships and I wasn’t. Don’t give in to pressure, the thoughts whisper. It’s easy to fall into the temptation.

I am 21. I hate to bring up the past, but the past is always something I look back to learn from. Why did I do that? Why didn’t I move on earlier? Why didn’t I started going to the University of Wisconsin-Madison since I was a freshman? Regrets, they are always there. Not for you to be upset, but remind yourself of the decisions you make.

I am 21. Even though I experienced a lot like a senior would be experiencing in school, I don’t feel like I’m making the right decisions I am satisfied in. Like buying plane tickets. Like writing this blog post in the middle of my assignment. I always find a way to escape my routinal life. And I think grown ups shouldn’t be acting this way.

You tend to hear about people saying that you should have as much experience in relationships, whether it’s emotional, mental or physical so that when you meet your future husband, you are an expert in handling your man.

No, I think when you meet your actual soulmate, you are meant to grow together with them, complement each other and learn from each other’s flaws. I don’t believe in the idea of love at first sight, but I know that there are others who have had wonderful relationships from falling in love when their eyes met. I however, believe in the idea of knowing the person before hand, knowing their life story, knowing their hobbies, their lifestyle, their secrets. It is even harder to not fall for a person when you know someone this intimate. But here’s the thing: is this who you are going to wake up to every day? Can you cope with that for the rest of your life?

I honestly don’t think I have ever fallen in love the way I wanted to, despite the very few relationships I have had. I have been heavily infatuated, been head over heels, gave my heart away, have it broken, got hurt, but at the same time, I never felt like any of whom I dated was someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I also don’t believe in the idea of relationships to gain experiences, although I admit this was a mindset I used to have. I remembered an analogy of getting married to your future husband, and imagine having a room of your ex-boyfriends watching you get married. You gave a little bit of your heart away each time you get into a relationship, and it’s almost as if there isn’t a lot to give your partner because of all the past that haunts you from your previous experiences. 

There are people who just want a serious relationship but can’t find one that works out for them. It is important to know that we should’t be chasing after love (Of course, there are always exceptions). But most importantly, be the kind of person that you want to present yourself to God. A woman of maturity and grace filled with the love of God. The right man will come by someday, God always has a plan.

Love is one of the most complex things that people find it hard to understand. It makes you vulnerable and yet incredibly strong. Sometimes you think you can take control of it, and sometimes it’s just out of reach. But above it all, it is the power of love that makes everything so beautiful, so mysterious and so blissful that you wish time would stop once in a while for you to cherish every bit of what love has presented to you.

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