Excerpt from old blog post July 8, 2014. A look back of last year for the forward tomorrow.
I know of a guy who said he always like long hair girls, gets attracted to them, tries to chase them, but doesn’t seem to succeed (as far as I know). They had typical features, reminding him of his first unrequited love. He is now head over heels over this one girl, who he can’t get over with despite the relationship calling it quits. She has short hair, slightly tomboy, not your typical girlfriend material, but he is in love with her, quite the contrary of what he usually likes.
I have also met another guy who told me that he never expected himself to fall for his now girlfriend of 5 years, and although they had heated arguments, they are both very in love with each other. He told me he never liked dark-skinned girls, but when he met her, he found her exotic in her own way and that made her unique.
Often times, there’s always someone in the relationship who tries to change for the other, change for the other person’s preferences of something, in order to sustain the relationship.
As we can see in the above comic, change is not necessarily good. Here is this woman who is wearing the pants in the relationship, telling him to change the way he look as compared to the previous one. She criticizes him for his “childish” clothes, when this is actually the man she was originally attracted to.
In a couple of relationships I have seen, both sides never truly show their true colors until they are together. They say they love each other, but soon learn to hate each other’s guts. Their true colors are apparently making them a “changed person”, and they fall out. But there’s always that one person who’s willing to give more than the other, and mending an already broken relationship, changing themselves into a “mould” the other person would be attracted to, be it changed looks, changed personality, casual sex, etc. in order to please the other person, hoping it would win them back.
From a third point of view, this looks pathetic of course, and we would usually tell the hurt person to move on from this ridiculous bitch/ jerk who is indirectly making you miserable.
So when is change good? When does change actually help a relationship?
Perhaps you think you are a little overweight than you actually are right now, you can’t fit into your jeans. Before listening what everyone else has to say (“You’ve put on a little weight since I last saw you!” or “You look like you are pregnant”), are you happier with your current state? Do you feel more free, happier in how you look, regardless of what your loved ones think? Then feel free to do what you like. You are a confident soul, and tough as a rock.
BUT, you can feel happy in things that are detrimental to you, like drugs. Perhaps you are caught in an addiction that is eating up your time, and distancing yourself from people. That is a total no-no. You need to change that. And if being overweight is making you more exhausted or depressed, then you may need to think twice about that comfort zone you are having right now.
If a person thinks you are stupid because of the way you behave (firstly, no one should call the other person stupid, unless they have VERY VERY valid reasons. Words are fucking painful bullets. Don’t say mean things.), reconsider what is it that you do that makes them say that. If what you are doing is diminishing your self-worth, then a solution would be toning down whatever you are doing. Like licking monkey bars around the public playground is going to send a lot of people out of your radar. Don’t do that. That’s a weird scenario to come off from the top of my head. But you get the point.
But if the person is saying that you are dumb because you are not seeing from their “correct” perspective, you are encouraged to give the finger to that person. I’m kidding. He/She is probably having a bad day, and can be very irrational. Be honest about how irrational he/she sounds like right now, but be considerate as to what the other person is going through too. If what they are doing is repetitive (calling you dumb a lot, wth no one should have their self-worth being determined by the other person), you need to send them a shot of a piece of your mind in the form of cannonball blows to their thick skull. And then let that sink in and walk off (with sunglasses on).
My point is, as long as you are confident with what you have and what you are, don’t change it. You are a beast, and what you want to do about your self-worth or personality is completely up to you and independent of anyone else’s decisions. You can get a few opinions here and there but ultimately it is your final decision.
Now I am going to get my lazy bum off this chair and away from the computer to do some workouts, because I have gained ten pounds and need to fit back into my jeans so that I don’t have to waste money to buy new ones. By the way, this is a good change for my relationship between me and my wallet. Very self-approved.